Fifty Shades of Positivity: A Good-Mood Hack
We all want to feel less stressed, calmer, happier — more POSITIVE, right?
And we ALSO know it’s not as black and white as “Be Happy, Don’t Worry”.
I say this time and time again: Toxic positivity serves NOBODY.
Being “Powered by Positivity” doesn’t mean ignoring all reality or the negative elements of situations…
It simply means not allowing yourself to be controlled by negative emotions, or letting the negative emotions dictate your actions.
Which is why you will never hear me telling anyone to “Just be positive” or claiming “Positive vibes only” …
Here’s something I WILL recommend though:
When you are struggling or feeling overwhelmed,
Instead of trying to force yourself to focus on the positive, try making an "Also True" list.
This can help your brain to steer away from black/white all or nothing binary thinking.
Binary thinking leads us to look for things that reinforce what we already believe is true…
Good or bad.
Always or never.
All or nothing.
And the problem here is that the lovely big grey area in the middle gets ignored or overlooked…
“Grey” is often dismissed as a boring colour and the “grey area” itself is spoken about as something unsatisfactory — but consider this:
That grey area often holds a lot of good.
To be grey, there has to be a significant amount of white mixed in with the black.
A decent amount of light beside the shade.
A worthy amount of positive alongside the negative.
If we’re only focusing on the positive or the negative…
Slowly, we lose our capacity for nuance and 'grey area' thinking.
This "Either-or" thinking can happen in both positive and negative directions.
Considering what’s “Also True” encourages a kind of wider spectrum thinking that considers multiple options, alternatives, and possibilities that all sit in the lovely grey zone, and can help us to stay out of binary thinking.
What does that look like in practice?
Instead of: Everything is crap.
Try: Lots of things are shit right now.
Also true: I have people to help me with some of it.
Instead of: I'm grateful for everything.
Try: I'm grateful.
Also true: I'm scared, hurt, lonely & I'm allowed to feel more than one thing at once.
Instead of: Everything is fine.
Try: Some things are going well.
Also true: There are some things not going so well right now.
Instead of: I'm having a meltdown.
Try: I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Also true: I have the power & ability to take care of at least some of the things.
Instead of: I'm a total mess.
Try: I'm having a tough time.
Also true: I managed to get out of bed today and that is a start.
Positive thinking usually ignores some of the truth.
Negative thinking usually ignores some of the truth.
Light and shade.
"ALSO TRUE" thinking isn't about being positive or about being negative.
It's looking at all angles of reality.
It’s knowing that there’s light & shade in every situation and that both actually have to co-exist at the same time for there to be either.
It’s being able to see the whole chessboard.
The full spectrum.
ALL the truths!
Practicing “ALSO TRUE” when things feel stressful, hard, hopeless, or challenging can help to create perspective and regulate our systems, especially when things are coming at us quickly.
** Disclaimer: There are some situations where everything actually is totally shit.
These are not the situations to which this refers.
But remember: There are some situations where it goes the other way too, and everything is utterly wonderful.
As Alabama Whitman in True Romance (one of my top 5 fave movies EVER) said: “Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in a while, it goes the other way too.”
And in between, in the glorious grey area … What's Also True?
Let me know if youfind this hlpful!
Yours in Truth,
Laura
PS: ALSO TRUE: I currently have space for two new clients.
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